What if we all collectively agreed that Resumés are Bullshit?

Don't even get me started on cover letters. Here's my attempt at a "real resumé," without all of the empty corporate buzzwords.

Resumés (audible sigh).

Everyone in the workforce has, at one point or another, created one of these self-serving, grossly exaggerated professional life transcripts with the hopes of impressing some recruiter enough to get the job that they're applying for. 

Now, until a few weeks ago, I had never worked in any position where I've had to read and analyze resumes to hire the right candidate, but I sympathize with those who have to. Here's why…

I mean, can you imagine? Every single resume that comes across the desks of these hiring professionals has (or is supposed to have) all of the corporate buzzwords: 

"Proficient" in this,

"highly skilled" at that,

Do you solve problems with your strategic thinking, interpersonal communication and human resource management, or your ability to assess and comprehend prescriptive or predictive analytics?

are you a cross-functional leader or a results-driven leader? 

A people-focused leader, perhaps? 

God forbid you confess that you're a better follower than leader and would prefer to stay in your lane and master your craft rather than strive for a management position!

I love the exercise of proving how you can make anything sound good, and impressive, with enough corporate buzzwords:

ACTUAL: This morning, in the office, I made a pot of coffee. My coworkers drank it and worked a little bit harder, maybe. 

Turns into…

RESUME VERSION: Successfully initiated and implemented a process-improvement mechanism that generated increased output across the organization.

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Come on, man.

What real humans talk like this in every day conversation? How can you really know what kind of employee or co-worker you're getting when their life's accolades are so tainted and camouflaged by the kind of corporate jargon that everyone resents?

So, just for shits and giggles, I drafted up this real resumé, complete with honest language and words people actually use on a day-to-day basis. 

What do you think would happen if I submitted this with a new job application?

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The sad reality, for all of us, is that this honest document that actually paints a pretty accurate picture of who I am and what I would bring to the table wouldn’t even score me an entry-level interview in 99% of industries.

Oh well. Corporate America isn’t ready for this kind of peek-behind-the-curtain just yet.

I’m not trying to start a movement or anything like that and I’m by no means encouraging people to submit these kind of resumés in lieu of your current version. It’s just an interesting exercise that I dabbled in the other day, really more of a self-assessment, of what my resumé actually represents about me.

If you are looking for some practical way to apply this “real resumé” exercise, maybe doing this will help you to better practice and rehearse more candid answers for common interview questions.

But, don’t blame me if you don’t get to the second interview.

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That’s all folks - not sure how much value this article added, but again, that’s not always the goal for me. I started writing this blog with no real goal in mind.

It’s just a place for my creative expression.

Some days I write about things I hope others will benefit from in some way, other days I just write for me. That’s my disclaimer, just to check all of your expectations for future content.

As always, I do very much appreciate you all reading. If you do have feedback or anything in particular you feel strongly that I should cover, just email me and let me know.

Until the next,

Reid